Anton Makarenko, recognized by UNESCO as one of the world's greatest educators alongside Maria Montessori, developed ten fundamental rules for successfully raising your child. These principles of positive parenting transform your approach and nurture your child's growth.
Anton Makarenko's 10 rules at a glance
| No. | Anton Makarenko's rule |
|---|---|
| 1 | Your behavior directly influences your child's upbringing |
| 2 | Understand what you see in your child |
| 3 | Get to know your child within their environment |
| 4 | Teach them to be organized |
| 5 | Don't rush to the rescue, and avoid overprotecting them |
| 6 | Never monetize good results |
| 7 | A child who doesn't know their own worth won't be capable of love |
| 8 | NEVER make your child the center of your life |
| 9 | Build your child's self-confidence |
| 10 | Teach your child responsibility |
Your behavior directly influences your child's upbringing
Your actions speak louder than your words. So if you adopt the attitude of "do as I say, not as I do," your child will imitate your behavior rather than obey your instructions.
Every moment of your life contributes to your children's upbringing. The way you talk to others, the way you dress, your reactions to happiness or frustration, how you treat friends and difficult people, your laughter, your smiles, what you read - all of it shapes your child.
What's more, your child consciously picks up on your mood swings. Nothing escapes the notice of the young ones, even when you think otherwise.
Understand what you see in your child
Stay honest about your expectations of your child. Indeed, they are not an extension of you and your partner. So give them the place they deserve as an independent individual.
Get to know your child within their environment
Where are they? Who do they spend time with? Who do they associate with? Find a way to grant them the freedom they need for their independence. That is how you will teach them to take responsibility.
Your child needs to be exposed to different mindsets and people. You must then accompany them and help them recognize the good and the bad in people or situations. This natural learning process of life cannot happen properly if you keep them in an ivory tower.
Teach them to be organized
Good organization keeps an eye on the different details, even the smallest ones. Because it's by taking care of the small details that great things are achieved. A good education teaches effective management of time and space.
Don't rush to the rescue, and avoid overprotecting them
Your child needs to learn to overcome challenges on their own. This will let them develop resourcefulness and encourage their initiative. Of course, if they're struggling, give them a little nudge. But don't do things for them. Your child certainly needs your attention, but they need your trust just as much.
Never monetize good results
When your child succeeds at a task, such as getting good grades, don't buy them gifts. Don't give them money either. You would turn them into a materialistic person.
Teach them to appreciate success for its own sake, not for the gain it will bring. Show them that your approval and your recognition of their efforts are the best reward. Don't overdo the praise either, and avoid going overboard. In all things, be sure to show moderation and restraint.
A child who doesn't know their own worth won't be capable of love
Love your child, respect them. That is how they will learn to appreciate themselves and have good self-esteem.
NEVER make your child the center of your life
This is one of the greatest injustices your love could do to them. The child is not able to understand the meaning of your sacrifices. But by getting everything from you unconditionally, all the time, you will turn them into a great egoist who has no respect for you.
Build your child's self-confidence
Ask them to teach you something they know how to do. This will help them gain more confidence in themselves. Try to give importance to everything they do, all their achievements, all their efforts.
Hug your child several times a day. Cuddles matter more than you might imagine. You both secrete the attachment hormone, oxytocin, which helps reduce their anxiety, gives them a sense of security, and fosters their self-confidence.
Play with your child and laugh with them often. Give them half an hour a day of your exclusive attention. Set aside your phone, don't watch television, don't go on social media. Talk with them, listen to them, tell them a story.
When you make a mistake in front of them, don't hesitate to admit it. This will teach them that to err is human and that no one is infallible. You will also be introducing them to humility.
Teach your child responsibility
Ask them to clear their table, wash their plate, put their dirty clothes in the laundry basket, pick up their toys, tidy their room, their closet. Even if they do it badly. Put things back in order after they're done, without letting them see you do it.
Once your child has mastered a particular skill, avoid doing it for them. For example, if your child has learned to wash their plate after finishing a meal, don't ask them to leave it in the sink. That said, don't let them play with the water or the bubbles formed by the detergent, and don't let them waste their time.
See what interests your child and encourage it. Don't try to force them to become someone they're not. Don't make them carry the weight of your forgotten dreams. Try, as much as possible, to help them develop their own personality. Love your child for who they are, not for what you would like them to be. And above all, don't make them feel guilty when their choices differ from yours.
Teach your child to express themselves. Encourage them to say what they feel and what they think.
The good foundations of education are built from a very young age
They are established very early, when the child is not even two years old, because that is the age from which they begin to discover the world and their curiosity starts to awaken.
At this age, the child learns to tell right from wrong by watching the expressions on your face and hearing the tone of your voice.
The child mimics those around them. The bad words they learn, the rude remarks they repeat come from their environment. Watch what is said in front of them, and don't assume that their young age keeps them from understanding or registering what happens around them.
Stay vigilant. If you are lax about these points, you have no excuse to get angry with them when you see them misbehave or say something rude.
Handling difficult behavior
When the child hits you in the face, hold their hands firmly and stop them from doing it again. If they hit you again, scold them and frown.
When they hit another child their age, hold their hands firmly, speak to them gently, tell them it's wrong, then redirect their attention and try to find them another activity. Avoid aggressive or violent reactions, so as not to prompt your child to rebel or try to assert themselves by repeating the same misbehavior.
If the child demands candy that you don't want to give them, starts crying when you stop them from touching something that interests them, or throws a tantrum, don't get angry at them. Take a deep breath and redirect their attention to something else. Above all, don't give in.
This can sometimes be complicated, but you must resist. Otherwise the child will learn to use the strategy of screaming and crying to make you their slave or their prisoner. The child will know that this method helps them get what they want, and they will use it as many times as needed.
Encouraging exploration while staying watchful
Be flexible. Let your child feel, touch the decorative and colorful trinkets. But don't let them discover things all on their own. Accompany them, talk to them, explain what they're holding, the function of the object, its color. Allow them to touch it and stay watchful all the same, because they might get into mischief without meaning to, like tripping or breaking things.
When you stay close to them, the child won't try to explore in your absence.
Create a corner for punishment and put them in the corner. When you send them there, you will help them understand that they behaved badly.
Love, the foundation of education according to Makarenko
In conclusion, here is a quote from the great educator Anton Makarenko on successfully raising a child: "Love is the greatest feeling; it works wonders, it creates new people, and the greatest human values."
These ten rules of education from Anton Makarenko offer a solid framework for supporting your child's development. By applying these principles with consistency and kindness, you will nurture their growth and their development as an independent, confident individual.
