The question every young mother is asking today: how do you earn your children's respect without snapping? How do you raise them without losing your patience and without telling them off? Especially since our little monsters are naturally inclined to get up to mischief. Here are the tips we have gathered from mothers we know, and they work...
Speak to your children face to face
You are in one room and your child is in another. You talk to them from a distance, ask them to do something, to lend a hand, when you are not physically in the same place. It hardly makes for easy communication. Your child carries on with whatever they were doing and you start repeating yourself. Then you end up snapping... Go to them and tell them directly what you want. You will stop repeating yourself and avoid losing your temper.
As with adults, think before you say yes or no
Before saying yes or no to your children's requests, take a moment. The decisions that come out of that pause will be free of aggression. Your children will accept them far more readily.
Give yourself a little time, just for you
It is no secret that stress and anxiety feed edginess. If you feel burnout coming on, it is essential that you take time for yourself. Go out and see a friend, treat yourself to a shopping trip, head to the spa or put together a beauty session. When you are relaxed, you will be far more resilient in the face of household grumbles.
Stop everything
Still arguing with your child despite all your efforts, and about to explode? Take a break. Go into another room. Breathe deeply. Calm down. There is another way, and you do not need to snap in order to be understood. That's all it takes — you'll get there.
Celebrate what is going well
You think too much about what is going badly or going astray, and not enough about what is going well or going in the right direction. Even when things are not working out exactly as you would like, it is essential to recognise that everyone contributes to family life and makes an effort. Take stock of how lucky you are. You will feel much better for it.
Stop repeating yourself
Spare your nerves and try another way of getting your instructions across (a short note, a post-it stuck on the fridge...). Let a little time pass before you ask again. Trust your children: they will end up doing as you ask. If it matters, be concise, clear and precise in the way you word your request.
Reorganise your family life
You shout at your children because they have not showered before dinner, or because they have not brushed their teeth before leaving for school or going to bed. To stop grumbling, ask yourself whether your daily routine is not the thing that needs rethinking. Ask yourself whether the order of things is not the real issue. Move shower time to after dinner and before bed. Keep an eye on tooth brushing. Set the alarm 5 minutes earlier. With a little flexibility, you will manage to change your habits and everything will fall into place.
Say how you feel
If you want more compassion from your partner, you need to learn to communicate with him. Express what you feel, what you observe, what you want, without losing your composure. If you shout, you will get the opposite reaction, because it is hard to answer someone who flares up over the slightest thing. Express yourself properly and your household will be more inclined to listen.
Listen to your partner's point of view
Does the way your partner handles his arguments with the children make you grumble? Then tell yourself that your method is not necessarily any better. Question yourself and try to accept his way of doing things. Never show your children that you disagree in front of them.
Stop putting pressure on yourself
Your children are not perfectly behaved, and now and then you argue with your partner. But isn't it good to have a home of your own? There is no such thing as a perfect family. So do not put unnecessary pressure on yourself. Enjoy your imperfect family and savour every moment.
In short: the 10 tips for putting an end to the snapping
A recap of the ten tips set out above, so you can find your way at a glance.
| Tip | In practice |
|---|---|
| Speak to your children face to face | Go to them rather than talking from one room to another |
| Think before you answer | Take your time before saying yes or no |
| Give yourself some time | Go out, unwind, recharge so you are more resilient |
| Stop everything | Take a break, change rooms, breathe before starting again |
| Celebrate what is going well | Acknowledge everyone's efforts rather than focusing on what is going wrong |
| Stop repeating yourself | Vary the medium (a note, a post-it) and leave time between two requests |
| Reorganise your family life | Rethink the daily routine rather than repeating the same instructions |
| Say how you feel | Calmly express your feelings to your partner rather than raising your voice |
| Listen to your partner's point of view | Accept that his method is no worse than yours |
| Stop putting pressure on yourself | Accept that no family is perfect and savour every moment |
