10 Life Lessons to Excel from Age 30 Onwards

How do you excel from age 30 onwards? This question weighs on many people, whether it stems from apprehension or from a resolve to live a fulfilling, responsible life.

For his 30th birthday, blogger Marc Manson asked readers over the age of 37 what advice they would give their 30-year-old selves. More than 600 replies were distilled into 10 lessons: securing your finances, protecting your health, choosing your relationships, daring to take risks, nurturing your family and accepting yourself.

The Origin of This Collective Wisdom

Marc Manson is a blogger I have followed for a long time. I greatly enjoy the lightness of his writing and the ease with which he expresses himself. Initially, his posts were aimed at men and generally offered advice on seduction.

As he went about his work, he realised the problem wasn't which technique to use to be liked by women. He understood that "tricks" bring no lasting solutions and that only working on oneself can achieve meaningful results. From then on, he began to tackle the deeper issues.

His readership changed, and women became interested in his writing. I am sharing with you an article he wrote for his 30th birthday that I find particularly worth reading.

A Survey of Wisdom

He had emailed all his readers, asking those over 37 what advice they would give themselves at the age of 30. The idea was to write an article based on the collective wisdom of his readers and to share it.

He received more than 600 replies. Reading through them, he realised that many of the answers echoed one another. So he distilled what he had read and organised it into 10 points. Some participants preferred to remain anonymous; others wished to share everything about their experiences.

The 10 Lessons at a Glance

1. Start Saving Today

Prepare for Retirement Now, Not Tomorrow

“I spent my twenties without a care. But your thirties are a time when you should focus on your financial situation. Planning for retirement is not something you put off. You need to understand details that seem boring to you, such as savings, insurance and mortgages, and to make commitments right now. Get informed and take the necessary steps.” — Kash, 41

This is the most recurring piece of advice, appearing in almost every email received. There were a few variations on the theme:

Pay off all your debts as soon as possible.

Set aside an "emergency fund" because no one knows what life may hold. There were many accounts of unforeseen health problems, lawsuits, stormy separations and divorces, bad deals, and so on.

Save every month. Take between 5 and 10% of your salary and put it into a savings account.

Don't spend frivolously or take on financial commitments you don't fully understand. Only buy a house if you can secure a good mortgage with an affordable repayment rate.

Don't invest in something you don't understand.

Accounts of Debt

One reader tells us:

“If your debt exceeds 10% of your gross annual salary, it means there is a problem. Stop spending, pay off your debts and start saving. If you carry on like this, you risk running out of steam and being overwhelmed.”

Another tells us:

“If I could go back, I would have put more money into an emergency fund. Unexpected expenses really killed my budget. I would have been more careful about my retirement, because today mine looks rather meagre.”

Readers shared many accounts of setbacks like these. It pays to be cautious and provident, rather than get trapped by circumstances beyond your control.

One woman sent a message to say that at 30 she had two children and earned a small salary. She had made it a rule to set aside part of her income every year in a retirement fund. Today, at 50, she is financially stable and lives comfortably.

2. Take Care of Your Health Now, Not Tomorrow

“Your mind ages 10 to 15 years more slowly than your body. Your health deteriorates faster than you think, and in a way that is hard for you to notice.” — Tom, 55

Nothing new here. We all know how important it is to eat a balanced diet, sleep well and exercise. But like the previous point, this one is unanimous among our elders: now is when it counts.

The Cumulative Effect on Your Body

The way you treat your body has a cumulative effect. You don't notice it because you're still young, and you won't feel the effects for years. Your body doesn't suddenly break down. Instead, it deteriorates little by little. Your thirties are the ideal time to slow the decline of your health.

This is not the advice our mums or girlfriends give about how to stay in shape. It is advice from people who have survived cancer or a stroke, people with diabetes or high blood pressure. All of them said the same thing:

“If I could go back, I would eat better, exercise more often and not stop. I would no longer make excuses to justify my recklessness. But I had no idea how important those details were.”

3. Don't Waste Your Time on People Who Don't Make Your Life Better

“Learn to say ‘no’ to the people, activities and obligations that add no value to your life.” — Hayley, 37

This is the third most recurring piece of advice. If they could go back, our elders assure us they would enforce stricter boundaries in their lives and devote more time to the people dear to them.

“Setting healthier boundaries and stricter limits is arguably one of the finest expressions of love you can show yourself and others.” — Kristen, 43

Concretely, What Does That Mean?

“Don't tolerate those who don't treat you well. Full stop. Don't tolerate them for financial reasons. For emotional reasons. Don't tolerate them out of love for your children or because it's more convenient and simpler.” — Jane, 52

“Don't settle for mediocre friends, mediocre jobs, mediocre love, mediocre relationships, only to end up with a mediocre life.” — Sean, 43

“Stay away from miserable people, emotional vampires… they wear you out, drain your energy and consume you.” — Gabriella, 43

“Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you, and spend time with those who inspire you to become a better version of yourself.” — Xochie

The Difficulty of Boundaries

In general, people struggle to set boundaries and limits because they don't want to hurt others' feelings. Sometimes they even believe they can change the other person and get them to treat them the way they'd wish. It never works. And the result is often worse than the starting point.

One reader put it this way:

“Selfishness and self-interest are two different things. Sometimes, to be kind, you have to be cruel.”

At 20, the world is a territory to conquer. We have little experience of life and we cling to everyone we meet, even those who don't deserve our attachment. But at 30, we begin to realise that good relationships are hard to find yet not impossible to form. So there is no reason to surround ourselves with people who don't help us along the path of our lives.

4. Be Good to the People You Love

“Be there for your friends. You matter to them. And your presence matters to them.” — Jessica, 40

Alongside the question of boundaries, many readers urge us to spend more time with friends, family and the people we want to keep close.

“I think that sometimes I took my relationships for granted, as if they would last forever. But when a person leaves, nothing will bring them back. Sadly, the older we get, the more the people we love leave us. It even happens to those closest to you.” — Ed, 45

“Enjoy the presence of those close to you while you can. Money can be recovered, a job can be replaced. But with time, there is never any going back.” — Anne, 41

Being There in the Hard Times

“Life's tragedies strike everyone and spare no one. When it happens around you, be the one who can be counted on. The hardest blows tend to fall between 30 and 40. That is when you begin to realise that ‘it’ doesn't only happen to others. Parents die, spouses die, friends divorce, partners betray… the list is long. Helping someone going through a hard time, by being present, simply listening, without passing judgement, is an honour that deepens your relationships in ways you can't imagine.” — Rebecca, 40

5. Since You Can't Have Everything in Life, Focus on a Few Goals

“Life is like barter. You have to give something to get something else in return. It's a fact you have to accept.” — Eldri, 60

“In a word: focus. You can do more in life by concentrating on one thing and doing it very well. It's all about focusing on one thing at a time.” — Ericson, 49

Another reader tells us:

“You have to accept the idea that you can't do everything. It takes many sacrifices to achieve something special in life.”

Finding Your True Path

Many readers pointed out that a lot of people choose their careers arbitrarily in their late teens or early twenties. As with most choices made at that time of our lives, we often get the decisions and commitments wrong.

It takes several years to understand what we do well, what we truly love doing and what we are genuinely gifted at. It is better to understand our strengths and try to develop them than to do things by halves.

“I would tell my 30-year-old self to set aside what others think of me and to identify my strengths and what I'm passionate about, and to build my life around those things.” — Sara, 58

For some people, that means taking big risks. Even at 30 and beyond. It can mean changing a career that took years to build, sacrificing money you've accumulated, giving up your comfort… Which brings us to…

6. Be Bold. Take Risks. You Can Always Change the Course of Things

“Although at 30 you're supposed to be well settled in your career, it is never too late to start from scratch. The people I know with the most regrets in their lives are those who stayed in jobs that didn't suit them. Days turn into weeks that turn into years. And one day you wake up at 40 with an existential crisis, because you never tried to fix a problem you'd already spotted ten years earlier.” — Richard, 41

Don't Let a Social Mould Be Imposed on You

Many readers commented on the way society dictates our conduct. At 30, we are supposed to fit into a mould that covers our career, our marital status, our financial situation. Yet dozens upon dozens of readers implore us not to let society impose a role on us just because we're adults.

“I'm almost 41 and I'd like to tell my 30-year-old self not to be a conformist, not to bend my life to a social ideal I don't subscribe to. It is better to live your life than to try to survive it. Don't be afraid to tear everything down, since it is up to you to rebuild it all.” — Lisa, 41

Accounts of Career Change

Many readers tell us that changing careers in their thirties was one of the best decisions they ever made. When I discussed it with my mum, she told me:

“In hindsight, I wish I'd had the courage to stray off the beaten track. Your father and I thought we had to carry out plan A, then plan B, then plan C, and so on. But now that I think about it, nothing forced us to do things in that order and in that way. We thought too narrowly about what our life should look like, and in a way I feel some regret.”

“You just need to be less afraid. Less afraid. Less afraid. Next year I'll be 50, and it's only now that I'm beginning to take this lesson in. The fear I felt shaped my marriage, my career, my life and my self-image in a fiercely negative way. I placed too much importance on what others might think of me. I feared failure too much. I was always wondering what the outcome might be. If I had my life to live over, I would take more risks.” — Aida, 49

7. Keep Growing, Keep Improving Yourself

“You have two resources you can never get back once you've lost them: your body and your mind. Most people stop growing and working on themselves at 20. Most people in their thirties are too busy to worry about self-improvement. But if you are one of those rare people who keep learning, nourishing their thinking and evolving, taking care of their physical and mental health, then you will be light years ahead of the pack of forty-somethings.” — Stan, 48

Investing in Your Personal Development

This means that if someone wants to change in their thirties, they should work on themselves to improve and grow. Many readers told me that going back to university after 30 was one of the best choices they ever made in their lives.

Some mentioned taking part in training courses and seminars that gave them a head start over others. Others spoke of their first steps into entrepreneurship or of moving abroad. Others still explored their spirituality, went through therapy or began practising meditation.

“The number one goal: try to become a better person, a better partner, a better parent, a better friend, a better colleague, and so on. In other words: grow as an individual.” — Aimilia, 39

8. Come to Terms With It: You Don't Know What You're Doing

“Unless you are dead – mentally, emotionally and socially – you cannot anticipate your life for the next five years. The future never turns out the way you envisaged it or in the form you planned for it. Just stop. Stop the obsession with controlling everything. With planning everything in advance. Stop being haunted by what is happening now. No one has total control over the course of their life. You can then seize every opportunity that comes your way, even the unplanned ones, because you have nothing to lose. You cannot lose what you never possessed.” — Thomas, 56

Accepting Life's Uncertainty

“Most of the things that seem essential to you today will seem superfluous and unimportant in 10 or 20 years. And that's normal. It's called growing up. You just have to try not to take yourself seriously all the time and to open up more to life.” — Simon, 57

“Although we imagine ourselves invincible at 20, we are in no position to say what the future holds. No one is, however confident they may sound when they speak. This is disconcerting for those who try to plan everything in advance and utterly liberating for those who accept that things change. Finally, in our lives we go through truly sad moments. Don't try to soften the pain or push it down. Pain is part of everyone's life, and it shows you have an open, passionate heart. Honour that. And above all, be good to yourself and kind to others. Follow that path, and you'll become better for it.” — Prue, 38

Humility in the Face of Continuous Learning

“I'm 44. I'd like to tell my 30-year-old self that even at 40 we keep getting things wrong. So to my 30-year-old self: stop taking yourself seriously and get off your high horse. There's so much you don't yet know. And that's a good thing.” — Shirley, 44

9. Devote Time to Your Family: It's Worth It

“Spend more time with your parents. Now that you are adults, your relationships are different and it is up to you alone to redefine them. They will always see you as if you were still a child, until the day you prove to them that you have become a man. Everyone grows old. Everyone dies. Make the most of the time you have to put things right with your family.” — Kash, 41

I was overwhelmed by everything readers wrote about family, and by how powerful it was.

Taking Responsibility

“You are too old to blame your parents for the shortcomings you suffer from today. At 20 it's still forgivable, but at 30 you have to start coming to terms with it and learn to live with it.”

The Question of Children

And then, of course, there is the question of children.

“You don't have the time. Or the money. You have to think about your career… oh, stop it! Children are wonderful. They make you better in every way imaginable, by pushing you to your limits. They make you happy. You shouldn't put off having a child. If you're 30, it's high time to think seriously about this. You won't regret it.” — Kevin, 38

“I had no intention of having children. For purely selfish reasons, and it was the most foolish intention I ever had. There is nothing more fulfilling than a child, nor more stimulating.” — Rich, 44

10. Be Good to Yourself. Respect the Person You Are

“Think of yourself and do something for yourself every day, something different every month and something out of the ordinary every year.” — Nancy, 60

Though not the most important point, it came up somewhere in almost every reply I received. Almost everyone agrees on the following:

“Life is hard, and if you don't learn to love yourself today, it will be difficult to learn to do so later.”

The Relativity of Problems

“When you face a problem, ask yourself this: will it matter in 5 years? 10 years? If the answer is no, then give the problem no more than a few minutes and let it go.” — Eldri, 60

Many readers learned a lesson from life: you have to accept life as it is, despite all its flaws. Which brings me to Martin, the last person I will quote:

The Wisdom That Comes With Age

“When I turned 40, my father told me to make the most of life, because at 20 you think you know everything and believe you understand everything, at 30 you begin to realise that isn't quite the case, and at 40 you take things philosophically, you relax and accept things as they come. I'm 58, and my father was absolutely right.” — Martin, 58

Conclusion: Collective Wisdom at Your Service

These 10 lessons, drawn from more than 600 accounts, remind us that our thirties are a crucial turning point. It is the ideal time to lay solid foundations: financial, relational, professional and personal.

Ultimately, this advice teaches us a fundamental truth: it is never too late to change course, but it is never too early to start doing things right. The wisdom of those who have lived through these experiences sheds light on the choices that truly matter.

Source: http://markmanson.net