How do you build lasting happiness? How do you understand it, and where do you find it? To answer these questions, we draw on the Harvard psychology professor Dan Gilbert. The author of "Stumbling on Happiness" offers some surprising conclusions in his famous TED talk.
According to Gilbert, our beliefs about happiness are mistaken. They stem from a flawed mental process that we need to correct.
In 1642, Sir Thomas Browne wrote: "I am the happiest man alive. I have within me that which can turn poverty into wealth, adversity into prosperity. I am more invulnerable than Achilles; I am beyond the reach of fate."
Building your happiness: a natural capacity for adaptation
Understanding the extraordinary evolution of the human brain
Sir Thomas Browne's words anticipate Dan Gilbert's thinking. Gilbert begins by explaining the transformations of the human brain. Our brain mass has almost tripled since the time of Homo habilis.
This evolution is explained by the appearance of a new brain region. The frontal lobe, and the prefrontal cortex in particular, develops the ability to simulate experiences. Thanks to this part of the brain, human beings acquire a fascinating faculty. They can project themselves through time and imagine future situations.
This capacity did not exist in our ancestors. It is an extraordinary adaptation to an increasingly demanding environment.
The revealing experiment of the two scenarios
Dan Gilbert then proposes a striking experiment. He asks you to imagine two versions of your future life:
- First version: you win the jackpot and become a multimillionaire
- Second version: you have an accident and become paraplegic
Close your eyes and choose one of these options.
Like everyone else, you assume the choice seems obvious. Between becoming a millionaire and becoming paraplegic, the question looks loaded. You think that by choosing the millionaire option, you considerably increase your chances of happiness.
This is where things get really interesting.
The unsettling truth about our adaptation
If this question were a test, you would probably fail it. In reality, according to Dan Gilbert's studies, people show identical levels of happiness after a year.
For the sake of survival, a person can neither float forever on a cloud nor feel trapped in a pit of misery. Both happiness and unhappiness move towards a plateau where one feels "normal".
The surveys conducted by psychologists and economists reveal a surprising truth. The real impact of experiences turns out to be less severe than expected. Winning or losing an election, winning over a sweetheart, passing an exam... these events leave a shallower mark than we imagine.
Dan Gilbert even cites astonishing findings. Even the most serious traumas stop influencing our happiness after just three months.
How to tell joy from true happiness
Telling passing emotions from a lasting state
We need to distinguish between the different emotions we feel. In a world that extols perfection on social media, we easily lose our bearings.
We confuse feelings and passions without realising it. And so we believe that joy is our happiness, when by its very nature it is fleeting.
We feel joy on festive occasions: passing an exam, a wedding, a birth. In reality, what we feel at those moments is joy, not happiness.
Likewise, when we fail or lose someone we love, what we feel is sadness, not unhappiness.
The true definition of happiness
Here is a definition of happiness that sheds light on this distinction:
"Happiness is a lasting state of fulfilment, satisfaction or serenity, a pleasant and balanced state of mind and body from which suffering, stress, worry and disturbance are absent. Happiness is not merely a passing state of pleasure or joy; it represents a more lasting state, a balance." Wikipedia
This definition sheds light on the confusions we make in our lives.
The secret to building your happiness naturally
According to Dan Gilbert, everyone has the ability to build their own happiness. We all have a psychological immune system: a cognitive process that alters our view of the world.
This process, essentially unconscious, comforts us in the face of difficult situations. Yet we do not use it as fully as we could.
We manufacture our happiness. Thanks to this psychological immune system, we can project images of our happiness. We can visualise them. This capacity lies within us.
Paradoxically, we act as though happiness were something to be sought outside ourselves. As though we had to stumble upon it by some enchantment.
Inspiring examples of people who build their own happiness
Jim Wright: rebirth after the fall
To illustrate this capacity to build one's own happiness, Dan Gilbert cites some striking examples.
Jim Wright was Speaker of the House of Representatives. He resigned following a scandal over a questionable transaction, revealed by Newt Gingrich. His political career came to an abrupt end.
A few years later, he was asked how he was doing. He replied: "I feel so much better physically, financially, mentally, emotionally and in nearly every other respect."
Moreese Bickham: 37 years of imprisonment turned into a glorious experience
Dan Gilbert also mentions Moreese Bickham. This man gained his freedom at 78, following a DNA test that completely cleared him. He had spent 37 years in prison for a crime he had not committed.
When the media asked him how he felt, he replied: "I don't have any regrets. It was a glorious experience."
Pete Best: happier without the Beatles
Gilbert also cites Pete Best, the Beatles' first drummer. Ringo Starr replaced him in the band. In 1994, in an interview, Best said he was far happier than if he had carried on with the Beatles.
These people reveal the secret of happiness according to Dan Gilbert. They have something important to teach us.
Manufactured happiness versus natural happiness
Deconstructing a limiting belief
Sceptics quite reasonably wonder. Manufactured happiness seems less "good", less "real" than "natural" happiness. You cannot force yourself to become happy, they think.
When we get what we want, we speak of "natural" or normal happiness. Yet this belief turns out to be completely mistaken.
In our consumer societies, we believe we need this or that product in order to be happy. That pair of shoes, that jacket, that smartphone will finally make us content.
Imagined happiness and obtained happiness: the same quality
One might think that imagined happiness is of a lesser quality than obtained happiness. Here again, we are mistaken.
Believing that we can be happy only by getting what we want is simply a marketing argument.
Freedom is the natural ally of happiness. It lets us choose the future that suits us best. But this freedom of choice becomes the enemy of imagined happiness, because it breeds uncertainty.
The experiment of the two objects
Imagine owning two identical objects that you particularly like. Two books, two ornaments, two dresses. If you must decide at once and keep only one, you will end up preferring the one you kept.
Your psychological immune system will reassure you in that choice. If, on the other hand, you keep the option of changing your mind, you will remain undecided. You will feel torn and less content.
Freedom of choice favours imagined happiness but can constrain obtained happiness.
Ambition: ally or enemy of happiness
Ambition kept in check
Having preferences for one future path over another is healthy and natural. But if these preferences torment us too much, we put ourselves at risk. Especially if we overestimate the difference between our choices.
Ambition kept in check leads us to attain our goals. In this way it contributes to the fulfilment of our happiness.
The dangers of unbridled ambition
Unbridled ambition pushes us to lie or cheat. Anything becomes acceptable in order to get what we want. Yet the end does not always justify the means.
When our constraints stay under control, we remain prudent and considerate. When our fears run wild, we become reckless and cowardly.
The essential lesson
What should we take away? Our desires and our fears are often out of proportion. For we already possess the ability to manufacture the happiness we are seeking.
Happiness is not found outside ourselves. It is born of our capacity for adaptation and of our psychological immune system. This revelation changes everything in our quest for happiness.
In brief: three examples of manufactured happiness
A recap of the three examples cited by Dan Gilbert, to take them in at a glance.
| Person | What they lived through | What they say about it |
|---|---|---|
| Jim Wright | Resignation from the Speakership of the House of Representatives following a scandal | "I feel so much better physically, financially, mentally, emotionally and in nearly every other respect." |
| Moreese Bickham | 37 years in prison for a crime he had not committed, freed at 78 thanks to a DNA test | "I don't have any regrets. It was a glorious experience." |
| Pete Best | Replaced by Ringo Starr as the Beatles' drummer | Says in 1994 that he is far happier than if he had continued with the Beatles |
