Indeed, that quotation captures perfectly the essence of modern civility.
Far from being a simple code of good manners, politeness is a genuine art of living. It allows us to approach our social and professional relationships with composure. What is more, "hello", "thank you", and "goodbye" reach well beyond the bounds of a basic upbringing.
The foundations of mutual respect
First of all, to be polite is to recognise that the other person has a sensibility identical to our own. Every interaction therefore becomes an act of mutual respect. That said, it does not mean blindly obeying obsolete rules.
Today the principles of politeness are adapting to our times. The etiquette of the sixteenth century has certainly disappeared, yet a new form of civility is emerging. In our digital communications, for instance, we favour concision. Handwritten correspondence, however, keeps its traditional formulas.
And so we write "cordialement" (kind regards) or "sincèrement" (sincerely) rather than "agréer mes sentiments distingués" (pray accept my distinguished sentiments). Take care, too, never to "thank someone in advance": it implies an obligation to comply.
An enriching cultural diversity
Politeness, though, is never universal. It varies from culture to culture and even from region to region. In Tunisia, for example, forms of greeting differ from those used in Morocco or Algeria.
Some principles nevertheless remain universal. Speaking in a language someone does not understand in front of them, in particular, is a blatant mark of disrespect. In such cases you should translate at once, or bring the person into the conversation.
Politeness day to day: simple gestures, major impact
In the end, true politeness shows itself in our everyday actions. For example:
- Giving up your seat to older people or pregnant women, even after an exhausting day
- Not interrupting a telephone conversation, however urgent your business
- Holding the door for the person behind you, however much of a hurry you are in
The formal "vous" is also called for with strangers, particularly with elders. Conversely, using the familiar "tu" with someone younger remains acceptable.
Politeness versus empathy: an important distinction
We should not, however, confuse politeness with empathy. The first is a matter of respect and minimal accommodation. It simply makes harmonious coexistence possible. Empathy, for its part, involves a deeper emotional understanding.
Politeness is thus the bedrock of our social interactions. It encourages dialogue, eases tensions, and bears witness to our consideration for others. In our connected world, these values lose none of their relevance.
